Places to Start
R (not my ex) was right that at some point you have to accept your past and move forward. I'm trying to do that, but I might be resentful forever. I am of the belief that you go through life working on everything at once. For me, perhaps a good reminder is simply, "treat others how you would like to be treated." You're thinking I should know better, but that's where I am now. I want to be less selfish, and the first step is to become self-sufficient and minimally rely on anyone, if at all. In other words, get my shit together. The second step is to think more about other people's problems. When the time comes, be the listener or helping hand that they need. The third step is to help strangers, ie. volunteering.
I overshare, but that doesn't mean I trust you and it doesn't mean I over-communicate. Those are not the same. I am blunt but I am not direct. I don't want to just be blunt, I want to be more tactful and ultimately, direct and clear. That requires me to correctly interpret others, which I don't know where is the best place to acquire and hone this skill. I assume it's a repertoire of many skills that leads to the quick understanding of others. I do know that by interacting frequently with people, it's at least a start. I want to learn to navigate people. Not manipulate, just navigate, maybe have that knowledge, but generally not to use it.
How could I have had a successful relationship when the communication was ineffective? I first have to understand, which requires me to have trust and to be secure. In the correct scenario, you grow together and have the security to focus on all areas of your life, and not making your partner the main focus. Considering that I blocked out my friends for a lot of it, I was headed in that direction or already there. I bet if I had my shit more together, I'd be more secure. That's my start.
I was thinking of ways I can really give back to those I care about, and I realized that my profession really lends itself to that desire. I can and plan to be a quality tax planning resource. Why go to a CPA you have to pay for when you're friends with one?
Recently a group of us went to Chicago for a weekend and there was a sleeping arrangement on one of the nights that made it easy for "something to happen." Am I "proud" that nothing happened? It hardly seems like anything, as all I had to do was put myself in his unofficial girlfriend's shoes for a moment to know that nothing should happen. He offered free cuddles and was definitely brushing my arm. But even if just for a small bit I thought about someone else's well-being, someone I didn't know, it's a good start. I honestly think my relationship with R (the ex) taught me this. R had another girl, she was from the internet, that fucking cunt he would text every morning in bed. I don't ever want to be the other girl because at the very least, we as a gender or sex shouldn't be causing each other pain like that. In retrospect, they were both full of shit about their relationship with each other. I am going to trust my own eyes over anything they tell me. I digress. B is a friend and I also wanted to preserve that, granted we did kinda have a thing a year ago.
I mentioned being self-sufficient earlier and you know, I've never really written about Othello. He is my "best" friend, the friend I never expected, and a big reason I am who I am today. He is the combination of all the things I said about my other close friends and more. (More on this later...)
Lastly, I recently finished watching the show, "You." It succeeded in giving me the creeps and made me think twice about myself as I found myself actually able to relate to the characters. (More on this later...)
I overshare, but that doesn't mean I trust you and it doesn't mean I over-communicate. Those are not the same. I am blunt but I am not direct. I don't want to just be blunt, I want to be more tactful and ultimately, direct and clear. That requires me to correctly interpret others, which I don't know where is the best place to acquire and hone this skill. I assume it's a repertoire of many skills that leads to the quick understanding of others. I do know that by interacting frequently with people, it's at least a start. I want to learn to navigate people. Not manipulate, just navigate, maybe have that knowledge, but generally not to use it.
How could I have had a successful relationship when the communication was ineffective? I first have to understand, which requires me to have trust and to be secure. In the correct scenario, you grow together and have the security to focus on all areas of your life, and not making your partner the main focus. Considering that I blocked out my friends for a lot of it, I was headed in that direction or already there. I bet if I had my shit more together, I'd be more secure. That's my start.
I was thinking of ways I can really give back to those I care about, and I realized that my profession really lends itself to that desire. I can and plan to be a quality tax planning resource. Why go to a CPA you have to pay for when you're friends with one?
Recently a group of us went to Chicago for a weekend and there was a sleeping arrangement on one of the nights that made it easy for "something to happen." Am I "proud" that nothing happened? It hardly seems like anything, as all I had to do was put myself in his unofficial girlfriend's shoes for a moment to know that nothing should happen. He offered free cuddles and was definitely brushing my arm. But even if just for a small bit I thought about someone else's well-being, someone I didn't know, it's a good start. I honestly think my relationship with R (the ex) taught me this. R had another girl, she was from the internet, that fucking cunt he would text every morning in bed. I don't ever want to be the other girl because at the very least, we as a gender or sex shouldn't be causing each other pain like that. In retrospect, they were both full of shit about their relationship with each other. I am going to trust my own eyes over anything they tell me. I digress. B is a friend and I also wanted to preserve that, granted we did kinda have a thing a year ago.
I mentioned being self-sufficient earlier and you know, I've never really written about Othello. He is my "best" friend, the friend I never expected, and a big reason I am who I am today. He is the combination of all the things I said about my other close friends and more. (More on this later...)
Lastly, I recently finished watching the show, "You." It succeeded in giving me the creeps and made me think twice about myself as I found myself actually able to relate to the characters. (More on this later...)
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