A Year In Reflection

After 4.5 years I've finally graduated this past semester, class of 2014, and it seems I will be working in New York City after the holidays are over. My impending career has completely overshadowed any feeling I have about actually graduating. I didn't even go to commencement. Don't get me wrong though, I'm proud of the business school and am forever grateful for the last few years. I realized that I have a great support group, from family, friends, professors, classmates, colleagues, advisors, to recruiters even. I've had so much help along this journey that I can hardly claim it as an achievement of my own. I owe it to the first guy I met at this school for inspiring me with his passion, I owe it to our career office that did their best within a limited budget to provide students with as many career opportunities as possible, I owe it to my one friend who not only inspires me with her intelligence but who was there for me after a breakup, I owe it to my other friend who's been there for me for what feels like all my life, I owe it to my parents for pushing me to succeed and supporting me however necessary, and the list goes on. So I guess we are very much not alone in this world even if it seems that way sometimes. We just have to remember to remind ourselves of that from time to time.

I thought I'd be less stressed after all my exams but sadly, that was not the case. In fact, there is now a new wave of concerns quite possibly more stressful than before. I suddenly feel the responsibilities on my shoulder that I never felt or acknowledged before. But if there's anything I've learned this past year, it's to not give up. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and just go for every opportunity. There is no shame in striving after what you want. It doesn't always work out, but you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried everything you could. An interviewer once told me that we learn the most from our failures and that's stuck with me. I always try to figure out what went wrong and why. Sometimes the truth can be hard to face, but wait a while, then face it. The only way to move on and learn from the past is to face everything, the happy, the sad, the good, and the bad.

There was a lot more I planned on writing about but for some reason, every time I sat down and tried, it felt like I had nothing to say. Perhaps one day I'll get that urge to write again but as of late, it's just been recording personal milestones to myself. I just don't get that same enthusiasm about writing anymore and when there's something deep I want to discuss, I find myself talking about it with othello. Or I'd rather channel my feelings and thoughts through giving reddit advice. And let's face it, my blogs were usually related to guys and dating, both of which do not apply currently or in the foreseeable future. Something changes inside you when you get your heart broken twice by the same person, it's not pain or emptiness, but more like a dull frequency resonating throughout your world. Though that is no matter now, and I hope that wherever that tune carries, that it will be a happy one. Despite all the broken promises of friendship and waiting, I am not upset because getting to know him encouraged me to become a better person. I'll never know why he threw our "on hold" friendship away, one where he claimed I was one of the closer people to him, and I'll always just be unimportant, forgettable even, to him, but that is the risk taken when opening up one's heart. It's vulnerable but I'd do it again for the right person.

Anyway, who knows, maybe I'll post some pictures of The City when I get there. Here's to another calendar year.

desda