Year End Update
Where do I start? I guess as a sort of summary the year started out with me struggling through grad school. I had a friend who seemed normal at first but he started showing signs of depression and the like. I tried to help but I was really in over my head. I had no idea what I was dealing with. What do you do when your friend tells you they are going to end their life? I don't connect with people easily, so when I meet someone who I think I can be me around, I tend to go too fast. So maybe let this be a lesson to take it slowly because you may think you know, when you really know nothing. It's so hard to make friends as you get older, and I mean real heart to heart friendships. I guess that's just life.
Leading up to the summer I went on a number of dates. First time dating since the breakup in 2014. I tried everything from okc, tinder, bumble, to coffee meets bagel. I learned a few things about myself, and met some very different people. Over the summer I got into a relationship, graduated, and left for China/Japan at the end of it. It was a pretty incredible adventure. I made friends while on a tour in Beijing, how rare is that (for me), and Japan was just the best place ever. I will elaborate on my travels at a later date though.
Then work started shortly after I returned. It has been what I expected but I'm not ecstatic like I was the first time I interned in public, naturally. I also moved out on my own a month after starting, which was unexpected. It has been a new struggle, despite having lived on my own in NYC and in first year. It's still very different. I recently started being more social but we'll see how that goes. It is still crazy how C and I "met" each other every time I think about it. I mean, it goes back to 2013. Had I responded to him or took him seriously, we may have gone on a first date, and that would've been the end. Forever. And I would not have met this awesome person today. If there was ever a time to believe that things happen for a reason, this would be it.
I guess the end of the year begs the question of where do I go and what do I do moving forward? I need to keep my eye on the goal but it is so easy to forget in the moment of things.
I do want to end this on a sentiment I've been feeling lately. Maybe this is common, or not, but I feel so terrible for things I've done in the past. There was definitely a period of time where I gave 0 fucks but now that even more time has elapsed, I don't know why, but I feel as if my biggest regrets are things that I wish I hadn't done, and not things I wish I had done. I wish my first ex in univ. never met me because I really hurt him. I wish my second ex in univ. never met me also because I hurt him too. And I'm sorry beyond words. I handled the breakups poorly and I will have to live with that guilt. I'm sorry I hurt you.
Leading up to the summer I went on a number of dates. First time dating since the breakup in 2014. I tried everything from okc, tinder, bumble, to coffee meets bagel. I learned a few things about myself, and met some very different people. Over the summer I got into a relationship, graduated, and left for China/Japan at the end of it. It was a pretty incredible adventure. I made friends while on a tour in Beijing, how rare is that (for me), and Japan was just the best place ever. I will elaborate on my travels at a later date though.
Then work started shortly after I returned. It has been what I expected but I'm not ecstatic like I was the first time I interned in public, naturally. I also moved out on my own a month after starting, which was unexpected. It has been a new struggle, despite having lived on my own in NYC and in first year. It's still very different. I recently started being more social but we'll see how that goes. It is still crazy how C and I "met" each other every time I think about it. I mean, it goes back to 2013. Had I responded to him or took him seriously, we may have gone on a first date, and that would've been the end. Forever. And I would not have met this awesome person today. If there was ever a time to believe that things happen for a reason, this would be it.
I guess the end of the year begs the question of where do I go and what do I do moving forward? I need to keep my eye on the goal but it is so easy to forget in the moment of things.
I do want to end this on a sentiment I've been feeling lately. Maybe this is common, or not, but I feel so terrible for things I've done in the past. There was definitely a period of time where I gave 0 fucks but now that even more time has elapsed, I don't know why, but I feel as if my biggest regrets are things that I wish I hadn't done, and not things I wish I had done. I wish my first ex in univ. never met me because I really hurt him. I wish my second ex in univ. never met me also because I hurt him too. And I'm sorry beyond words. I handled the breakups poorly and I will have to live with that guilt. I'm sorry I hurt you.
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