Midyear Review
So while I was taking my midterm two days ago, it hit me that it was mid-June, as in there is only a month and a half left until the semester is over...until I graduate. Up until this point my mind was still stuck with the mentality that there was 2 or 3 months left. Ha. It is almost July 4th...that would mark 2 years since a particular vacation. In a way, it feels like so much more time has elapsed. Those memories feel incredibly distant and at the same time, it is frightening to think such a long time has passed but what have I accomplished? I have come to realize that there is a world of difference between being 21 and 23. I wonder how that difference will compare to now and being 25. I'd say that a lot of views have changed and others have become more refined, yet still some matters I remain uncertain on.
For starters, you can see that two posts below (though that is perhaps not a good gauge as I barely post -- but actually I would like to post more often for the remainder of this year) I was definitely looking down on people who were just in relationships for the physical and that was wrong. One night stands, fuck buddies, friends with benefits, serious relationships, everything in between - all of those are acceptable and the only thing that matters is being safe about it. The thing is, with sexual liberation, you know what you want and you pursue it.
On another note, I wish I could make more efficient use of my time because there are so many things, new and old, that I want to do. I really miss the water, miss playing chess, miss the gym, and want to learn about computers.
Well, I'll leave this here for now. It almost feels like I can't write like I used to anymore. I've barely written in my private blog files as well. It's not that I've stopped observing and reflecting, but I don't know.
I guess I can mention one last thing and it's that sometimes it feels like there are two versions of me in my head. One is the first version, the one that retained my undesirable traits from high school and first year of university, that remains immature and emotional. The other is the newer version, that probably was created during my first tax season in 2013. This version had a direction in life, realized the world was bigger than my daily squandering and wanted to contribute meaningfully. My days previous to those months paled in comparison and I was ambitious, logical, and not distracted by petty feelings. But I was and am still deficient in people skills. What should come naturally does not and I find myself unable to correctly understand what others are trying to say, including failing to recognize and/or interpret nonverbal cues. As a result, this is why I often feel like I can't say the right things, because to behave in a way that make others feel comfortable around you, you have to first accurately assess what's going on and how they are feeling. I think it ultimately is an issue of intellect and I am just not very smart. And every day, every emotion, is a struggle between what the newer me is trying to do and feel, and how the older version instinctively reacts/behaves.
For starters, you can see that two posts below (though that is perhaps not a good gauge as I barely post -- but actually I would like to post more often for the remainder of this year) I was definitely looking down on people who were just in relationships for the physical and that was wrong. One night stands, fuck buddies, friends with benefits, serious relationships, everything in between - all of those are acceptable and the only thing that matters is being safe about it. The thing is, with sexual liberation, you know what you want and you pursue it.
On another note, I wish I could make more efficient use of my time because there are so many things, new and old, that I want to do. I really miss the water, miss playing chess, miss the gym, and want to learn about computers.
Well, I'll leave this here for now. It almost feels like I can't write like I used to anymore. I've barely written in my private blog files as well. It's not that I've stopped observing and reflecting, but I don't know.
I guess I can mention one last thing and it's that sometimes it feels like there are two versions of me in my head. One is the first version, the one that retained my undesirable traits from high school and first year of university, that remains immature and emotional. The other is the newer version, that probably was created during my first tax season in 2013. This version had a direction in life, realized the world was bigger than my daily squandering and wanted to contribute meaningfully. My days previous to those months paled in comparison and I was ambitious, logical, and not distracted by petty feelings. But I was and am still deficient in people skills. What should come naturally does not and I find myself unable to correctly understand what others are trying to say, including failing to recognize and/or interpret nonverbal cues. As a result, this is why I often feel like I can't say the right things, because to behave in a way that make others feel comfortable around you, you have to first accurately assess what's going on and how they are feeling. I think it ultimately is an issue of intellect and I am just not very smart. And every day, every emotion, is a struggle between what the newer me is trying to do and feel, and how the older version instinctively reacts/behaves.
Comments